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Veteran coming to Jesus to the beautiful world poster

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Q. Regretting a breakup: I have been dating a wonderful man for about a year and a half. In many ways, it is the best relationship I’ve ever had. He is sweet, generous, and attentive, and we have so much fun together. But he has a young daughter and we have been taking it slow. Recently, we started talking about our future and moving in together. I mentioned that my biggest fear is that I might decide someday that I want to have more kids, and that he wouldn’t. As a 37-year-old woman, I am hyperaware that time is running out to have biological children. After taking some time to think about it, he told me that he is sure that he never wants more kids, and that he hopes he and his daughter would be “enough” for me.

A few weeks ago, he casually mentioned that he scheduled a vasectomy and asked if I could give him a ride. I was so shocked and hurt that I just shut down and didn’t say anything about it at the time. Two days before his appointment, I finally let go and told him how much it hurt that he was making this decision as an individual and not discussing it as a couple, and that if he went through with the procedure, it would likely mean the end of us (for a variety of reasons). Unsurprisingly, he went through with it. In my hurt and grief, I told him I didn’t think there was any way to work through this and ended things. He apologized for hurting me but maintains that he made his decision for himself and doesn’t see how it impacts me or changes anything.

Now that I have had more time to process everything, I am still hurt but questioning the finality of my own decision. I love this man and his daughter and was so excited for our future together. I have always been uncertain about motherhood for myself, and it was my life with him that made me think I might want to experience all of the joys and chaos of pregnancy and raising a baby. So my dilemma is whether I should get back together with him and acknowledge that fantasy will never happen but our life will still be lovely, or break up and acknowledge that at my age it’s unlikely that I will meet someone new and be ready for a baby in the few remaining years I have left. Is it worth exploring a reconciliation even after the deed has been done? Or do I need to cut my losses and move on, as much as it hurts?




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